Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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