2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
