i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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