When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
