Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
