I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
