We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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