I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize