carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
