I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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