He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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