Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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