Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
