He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
