Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
