I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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