it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
