Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
