Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
