Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize