You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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