Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
