Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
