all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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