atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
