when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
