The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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