She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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