The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
