Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
