Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
