I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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