But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
