she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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