UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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