I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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