the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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