if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
