Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize