He had one of those small greek statue penises
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
