you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had sex on a roof
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
