I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
