Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
