He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Enjoy the penises
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
