So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
