Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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