I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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