i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
