Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
how does that bad decision feel?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
