I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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