Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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