you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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