well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
