I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
