just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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