Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
