I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
