So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
