So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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