Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
