there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
