Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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