I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
