Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
