Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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