and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
