Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize