headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize