Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
