So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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