I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
