Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
