I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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