well you can't waste a boner
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
