last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
