Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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