You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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