Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
