I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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