Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
