Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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