i think my tv is drunk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
