Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
