I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
