she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
