He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
