The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
