It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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