yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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