So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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