It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
