happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
