you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
