i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
