My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
