I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
